I am writing this for you because I am tired of not being able to express how grateful I am. These words are the best I can come up with for now, but still don't do you justice...
Before I knew you, my life was epitomised by a vacant nothingness, an ill-fitting vision of trying to be like everybody else. I felt misunderstood and oppressed; depressed; like nothing I did was good enough, like my whole life was a mistake - frightened, outcasted, alone.
But my soul became blazed with illuminated passions when your influence stole into my heart, when perpetual flames of elation ignited in my veins. You made me realise that I am not just 'weird', a 'misfit', an 'alien' - I am merely myself, Jaguar, and my thoughts and actions are what comprise me, make me special.
Your tender love and ardent cares for humanity astonish me; I can honestly say that I have never felt more comfortable and ready to accept myself than when I think of your valiant and admirable outlook on life. Your words, your aura, are so pure; a light in a once dark world, where phantoms chased me, now soothes away the pain of being different and encourages innovativeness and self-expression.
This has never happened to me before, and at times, it overwhelms me; but know this: your soul - celestial, radiant, opalescent - is the most beautiful presence I have ever felt. You are everything I could ever hope for. I can only thank the Fates for leading me to you.
You really have changed my life.
Now I am much more poised and content with my inner-self, and I owe it all to you; your Phoenix love, burning incandescent over me gives me strength, honour, elation.
Jessica to me, you are truly exquisite. I hope that one day I can meet you and experience your ethereal beauty first hand.
Jaguar
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Monday, 17 September 2012
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
The Storm
Your words unspoken have drained
me - soaked me
with remorse and hatred of
those things left to melt away;
fade; drip; through a meaningless
pool of regret.
Seeing into your soul so clearly -a tumultuous river
relentlessly blaming its watery veins - striving to be understood -
appreciated - loved -
My heart quakes. My petrified soul allegedly withstood the pain;
now
the sharp pangs of Chaos pulsate through my mind
torn, ripping,
extracting
every detail - into the maelstrom unleashed.
Distress is my companion -
Anarchy, my aid -
You, however remain
a dull cave
of guilt:
Strangely, the artery proceeding
my dying soul is here; etched, carved in
lies
within You, my Saviour.
Copyright © JRFB 2012
me - soaked me
with remorse and hatred of
those things left to melt away;
fade; drip; through a meaningless
pool of regret.
Seeing into your soul so clearly -a tumultuous river
relentlessly blaming its watery veins - striving to be understood -
appreciated - loved -
My heart quakes. My petrified soul allegedly withstood the pain;
now
the sharp pangs of Chaos pulsate through my mind
torn, ripping,
extracting
every detail - into the maelstrom unleashed.
Distress is my companion -
Anarchy, my aid -
You, however remain
a dull cave
of guilt:
Strangely, the artery proceeding
my dying soul is here; etched, carved in
lies
within You, my Saviour.
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Fever
you are an illness
just as I get better - at pretending I don't
care - you make me - love - sick again
Copyright © JRFB 2013
just as I get better - at pretending I don't
care - you make me - love - sick again
Copyright © JRFB 2013
I'm still learning.
THIS SUMMER has been hopeless in terms of enhancing my academic skills, but I think now with August coming to a close, and the warm colours and autumnal shades of September falling upon us, I am one step closer to "finding myself".
A friend and I set this task as our number one priority this summer - and I think I may have (somehow) unconsciously accomplished this. Although I have been intoxicated for a good 4 weeks and I must have drunk about ten times my body weight in alcoholic beverages (spirits to let my spirits soar), I think that over the past few months I have learnt a thing or two...
This summer I realise that I am more comfortable and confident as a person. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying to live as I am and not as someone may think I should live.
I'm odd, but not a misfit but when caged up with tame canaries, I become the wild finch: solitary, outcast, frozen in apprehension. I like to form my own opinions about entities in life, and not to have my mind poisoned before being given a chance to speculate. What good is it to be human, to possess free will, only to have that privilege oppressed, wasted?
To be short, I am Jaguar: nothing more, nothing less. I believe that true identity lies deep within the soul; I was born to grow into myself, not into this person or that person; what good is it to try and 'guide' someone through life when in reality this only results in a twisted map and a desolate soul?
Copyright © JRFB 2012
A friend and I set this task as our number one priority this summer - and I think I may have (somehow) unconsciously accomplished this. Although I have been intoxicated for a good 4 weeks and I must have drunk about ten times my body weight in alcoholic beverages (spirits to let my spirits soar), I think that over the past few months I have learnt a thing or two...
This summer I realise that I am more comfortable and confident as a person. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying to live as I am and not as someone may think I should live.
I'm odd, but not a misfit but when caged up with tame canaries, I become the wild finch: solitary, outcast, frozen in apprehension. I like to form my own opinions about entities in life, and not to have my mind poisoned before being given a chance to speculate. What good is it to be human, to possess free will, only to have that privilege oppressed, wasted?
To be short, I am Jaguar: nothing more, nothing less. I believe that true identity lies deep within the soul; I was born to grow into myself, not into this person or that person; what good is it to try and 'guide' someone through life when in reality this only results in a twisted map and a desolate soul?
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Mirror
The swirling, circling shrouds of smokey death
pervade the specks of mystery surrounding this abyss -
Bottomless
Soulless
Gloom.
Twisting and writhing, the central orbs turn serenely:
a children's carousel
Reversed -
Decelerated -
Perpetual -
When I see them, fear clots in my blood
Fear of being lost.
Fear of dying
Fear of denying all chances of bliss to myself.
Two dark pools of hell stare through
my vanquished soul
My own deep wells shrink in horror.
I am lost -
Copyright © JRFB 2012
pervade the specks of mystery surrounding this abyss -
Bottomless
Soulless
Gloom.
Twisting and writhing, the central orbs turn serenely:
a children's carousel
Reversed -
Decelerated -
Perpetual -
When I see them, fear clots in my blood
Fear of being lost.
Fear of dying
Fear of denying all chances of bliss to myself.
Two dark pools of hell stare through
my vanquished soul
My own deep wells shrink in horror.
I am lost -
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Sunday, 5 August 2012
distance
i wish you'd try to understand
although perhaps it is I who am incoherent
and You speak my own language more fluently.
i won't sleep soundly knowing that waves of trouble are rippling our glass bonds
only to shatter all dreams of perfection, cutting my heart with fate's cruel blade.
*
i'm too addicted to stop knowing You,
absence feels like death - vexing and always longing for the untouchable.
i can't watch this happen, we're even closer to the disaster -
perhaps everything is a mistake; a mistake so real, so rewarding, so worth the pain of
distance.
No, I won't let you go.
Copyright © JRFB 2012
although perhaps it is I who am incoherent
and You speak my own language more fluently.
i won't sleep soundly knowing that waves of trouble are rippling our glass bonds
only to shatter all dreams of perfection, cutting my heart with fate's cruel blade.
*
i'm too addicted to stop knowing You,
absence feels like death - vexing and always longing for the untouchable.
i can't watch this happen, we're even closer to the disaster -
perhaps everything is a mistake; a mistake so real, so rewarding, so worth the pain of
distance.
No, I won't let you go.
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Thursday, 26 July 2012
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