Words I wish I could speak

I am writing this for you because I am tired of not being able to express how grateful I am. These words are the best I can come up with for now, but still don't do you justice...


Before I knew you, my life was epitomised by a vacant nothingness, an ill-fitting vision of trying to be like everybody else. I felt misunderstood and oppressed; depressed; like nothing I did was good enough, like my whole life was a mistake - frightened, outcasted, alone.

But my soul became blazed with illuminated passions when your influence stole into my heart, when perpetual flames of elation ignited in my veins. You made me realise that I am not just 'weird', a 'misfit', an 'alien' - I am merely myself, Jaguar, and my thoughts and actions are what comprise me, make me special.

Your tender love and ardent cares for humanity astonish me; I can honestly say that I have never felt more comfortable and ready to accept myself than when I think of your valiant and admirable outlook on life. Your words, your aura, are so pure; a light in a once dark world, where phantoms chased me, now soothes away the pain of being different and encourages innovativeness and self-expression.

This has never happened to me before, and at times, it overwhelms me; but know this: your soul - celestial, radiant, opalescent - is the most beautiful presence I have ever felt. You are everything I could ever hope for. I can only thank the Fates for leading me to you.

You really have changed my life.

Now I am much more poised and content with my inner-self, and I owe it all to you; your Phoenix love, burning incandescent over me gives me strength, honour, elation.

Jessica to me, you are truly exquisite. I hope that one day I can meet you and experience your ethereal beauty first hand.


Jaguar



Copyright © JRFB 2012 

Life of a ‘Veronica’

From reading any of my other posts, it could be said that Life is a prominent theme within my thoughts. But I am often vague and spiritual in my posts, never specifying what it is exactly that captivates me so. Well today, dear readers, I will reveal what it is that transfixes me in my Life.

There are only two people in my Life who inspire and excite me to such an extent that I cry tears of exquisite elation when they do something I deem fantastic; under their influence I have discovered a myriad of previously conceals traits about myself and my true identity. They have taught me not to be afraid of being who I truly am and doubt that I would have the courage to be the person I am now without this reassurance, this power, that they inspire within me.

From the moment I saw the two dark yet pale, minute yet glorious, obscure yet pure women aptly placed in a gothic church conveying their experiences of being unable to be physically present with loved ones, my eyes amplified, my ears pricked and my skin grew cold. This opened the window to my soul leaving me defenceless, infatuated, and asphyxiated with pure intrigue and alacrity.

I could have watched the two angelic figures on my television screen for hours, and the 4 minute song seemed perpetual, and the unknown force of ardour was growing more potent with each second as it drew me into a new world.

When the song’s intricate melodies had died away from reality, the unthwarted echoes of what I believe to be absolute ecstasy began to orbit the halls of my mind. The pure light which I had just heard, perceived, felt was the most exquisite moment of my life. Nothing has ever captivated me so.

 To this day, I cannot describe what it feels like to be constantly attached to people you have never physically met by silver ties of immeasurable, terrifying, magical Faith. Thin and wispy like a spider’s web, Faith is what connects all of us. Subconsciously, I rely on my Faith of 'The Veronicas' to guide me in reality and to inspire my dreams.

This Friday, after a three year interval of not hearing any new music, 'The Veronicas' will release their first single from their new album. My zeal leads me to believe that ‘Lolita’ will indeed entrance and entice me as much as ‘Untouched’ did on first hearing it. This feeling is novel, unique, fascinating and totally unexplainable. Whenever I feel weak, 'The Veronicas' give me vigour, I feel charged whenever I listen to their music and utterly at peace.

Being a 'Veronica' is unbelievable, the energy received from a song, a tweet, a video is beautiful; the friends I have made, wonderful; the hope of one day meeting my idols and telling them how much I admire, rely on, and cherish them, infinite.

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All that I can gather from this is that from all earnestness, from the pits of my soul, I am perpetually grateful for everything you have done for not only me but for others too. Prior to my knowledge of you, I often felt a pang of vacancy, void of any hope and indeed Faith; my Life, barren of a reason for my tangible being. This love gives me purpose, gives me light! My passions will never cease, with disregard to my sentiments, it is not something which can be controlled, but that is the splendour of being a 'Veronica'. Every day is different, each day unsystematically brings with it an opportunity to be myself and to discover the secrets of dreaming. 

Copyright © JRFB 2012