Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Sunday, 28 July 2013

Miss Scorpio

She loves and loves but is not loved. For she is barren of the fertile fields to grow a child. All she wanted was to be allowed to love. But we always strive to do what is forbidden. And here it is: the rotten fruit of impoverished love.

The sky was black as charcoal pits, dusted with speckled stars
Ashen grey surrounds the land
Smothered with burning flowers.

The time when clouds shrivel away
When the Sun makes her bed
At the end of the day –

The Moon himself appears with Hope,
Of meeting his Love
Who sets the distant pole -

Where their love can never be found
For distance - darkness forbid it
And they are not Fated to be bound.

The time when Light-time creatures stop;
And Night-time villains stir
And children drift, still in their beds, like sweet little corpses.

Now a twisted dark shadow creeps from her hollow home,
Uncurling her limbs, unfolding her bones,
Like spindly branches against the yellow Moon’s glow.

She gasps a worn breath –
For she is alone.
Miss Scorpio is always alone – even past death –

From the moment she burst forth from the fiery pits below
Forming a woman in thin, black dress with lace like a spider’s webs,
She was alone.

But oh, how she despises having nobody to care
Nobody to hold, nobody to tend to,
Leaving her an empty phantom, wretched, torn, bare.

Every day is hell, every second, misery;
Yet it is all made lighter by the Moon
Who shines over her fears and wishes, eagerly.

He is her ambient Hope.
The Light deep beneath her blackened spirit.
That can never escape the prison where she chokes.

The Moon too is lost in despair,
But shines brightly each dark night
In false Hope and care.

Miss Scorpio plucks a star from the glistening skies
Where stars shine like jewels, mockingly with their togetherness.
She smothers its brightness; in her frail arms it lies;

Momentarily, the brimstone in her core rekindles,
There is a quiescent crispness in the air
As she smiles, skips, glows like a candle

Not caring for her life that burns away
With each hour that passes,
For she has found something to love! Just for one day -


Until that star quickly fades, from white to orange, to dull brown
Then to black, like the two charred, bottomless holes in her sockets.
The heat cools, her trembling arms release the star, her face twists into a frown

Hot tears streak down her dirt-speckled cheek
Scarring her dark and beautiful features
With deep channels, now trickling red down to her feet.

Says she: ‘This pain is slight,
‘Compared with the jolt that forever thumps my core’.
Now, the black ball of dimpled rock takes flight

Down from her body, frozen, scored, wild
Leaving her numb Soul barren, untouched,
Having held that dimming star, cradled like a child.

But Hope is the fuel for any fire.
Miss Scorpio – Nature's Widow –
Never did her efforts to love expire:

Miss Scorpio once walked in the Midnight Meadow
Stopped, picked a flower from the dark fields of green,
Shaking it with joy, as the wind sped her on with each blow

And she ran through the grove
With this new Heart’s desire towards the rays of tomorrow.
For it is so beautiful to have something to love –

But soon, the nodding flower’s petals
Dropped out one by one, escaping her desperate clutches in the cold breeze
Leaving a grey stalk, bent like soft metal

Flying this way and that as they fell
In wispy circles, through dark clouds
Flying to another part of hell.

Miss Scorpio’s Soul bleeds
As her red tears slowly streak down her dark dress
Down like a deadly bullet surpassing time itself, as it speeds

Through a hard granite chest
Containing the Treasures of Life,
Repelled, ricocheted, is forced down to a grim death.


*
*
*

Miss Scorpio is still waiting for Life to start
For a fraction of joy, for a sign from above, –
As her dark Soul will never rest until it possesses a Heart.


 














Copyright © JRFB 2013

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Hope

She would awake every morn
Eyes flashing bright as golden corn,
Hearts pulsing; blood freezing;
Breathing accelerates -
When he passes by:

The One whose skin
Glistens as his smile brightens the Earth,
When darkness slowly pines away
As spells of sun step slowly out
Leaving behind trails of Hope.

The One whose eyes bring life
To starry seeds under pure pools of light.
His soul chases away the night,
And every head turns to see
His exquisite beauty.

Inhaling the sweet scent of youthful love
Reaching for those fine feathery limbs,
Hoping that he might notice her bright face from above
As he passes by.

Light fades - Evening comes -
Still his distant light fails to reach her.

Sorrow fills her heart-stems,
Choking her racing soul.
The light passes her by,
Leaving her barren - her heart left to crack -
Her slender, pale body bends in the blowing breezes
Beating her thin green dress.

Her eyes, now charred, crazed, bleached-black
(From the Sun's hateful glare)
No longer keenly watch her love's movement:
East       to      West -

And the once golden-jasper strands of hair
Which flowed loyally in the fresh air
Now hang limp, rigid, frayed,
Like a knotted noose
Over her slumping shoulders.

Her roots unravel - the green veil falls -
Over her boney stalk – petals with red-tinged tears -
As the Sunflower's journey ends
As the Sun makes his final bed.



(This poem was inspired by Blake's poem 'Ah! Sunflower'.)

Copyright © JRFB 2013

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Mrs Dalloway, You Have Made Me See..



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(For those of you who know me, you may be aware of my Virginia Woolf obsession and of 'Mrs Dalloway' being my favourite novel. I actually wrote this post about a year ago, and the fact that what I talk about here - about how this novel captures some of my soul - is still relevant today, shows the potency of such an authentic work of art. I truly love it. 'Mrs Dalloway' will always be my first love in literature).

*

When I first read Mrs Dalloway, it gave me a continuous headache and a strong desire to throw the damn thing out my window, in the hope of ridding myself of such an unfathomable collection of the whispers of post-menopausal women and pathetic old men. But it was not until the second (and third, fourth, fifth...) reading and actual studying of it, when I became engrossed.

Then, having completely retreated from my formerly contemptuous 'I-don't-give-a-shit-Virginia' attitude of - in my newfound opinion, one of the greatest Modernist novels of all time - Mrs Dalloway, I decided that not only for the purpose of learning, but also for leisure it would be a good idea to watch the cinematic version.

In short, it majorly changed my apprehension of Peter Walsh. From my perception (something V Woolf, as I like to call her, is rather good at blurring and exploring in her novels), he was a pathetic, overly emotional wreck who spent his entire life chasing pretty women, pristine with their 'lips cut with a knife'; or to put it bluntly, an emotionally tarnished, perverse sugar daddy.

However, my eyes have been opened, as the pathos evoked from when he says with an admirable attempt to withhold tears, 'For God's sake, Clarissa, I love you!' reduced me to a crumpled heap soiled with the tears the fellow did not shed. I understand now. He really loved her - and that man, Richard, stole half of his heart before him. I can relate. He offers his soul to the one whom he cannot bear to live without and she scatters it into the 'mist' with the wave of her hand. And for what reason?

'You want too much' - surely, Clarissa, it is best to want the whole of a person rather than the just the qualities you can view from a safe distance, those which you can shape through a certain tweaking?

She broke his heart, and it took him 40 more years to realise just how much he loves her, whether he chooses to believe that those feelings are eternal or not. On their reunion these 40 later, he admits that the scarring yet significant memory of Clarissa's bitter rejection had 'spoilt his life'.

Arguably, I believe that as a consequence, this fateful decision spoilt Clarissa's life too. They both lament about how they think the other has wasted their potential by not achieving any of the things that they were capable of, therefore, to me it is obvious that the mistake lies in their failed conciliation of hearts; they should have married! Not Clarissa and Richard. And, as a result, Clarissa loses track of her true identity and Peter takes to creeping on attractive young women young enough to be his daughters.

Oh how the Fates are cruel!

Furthermore, what also captivated me was the chemistry and delicate romance between Clarissa and Sally. In the novel, the scene is candied with youthful ardency at that 'exquisite' moment when Sally's lips softly join Clarissa's, igniting a realisation that she undeniably was in love with her (though not fully appreciating this sensation at the time). In the film, this tender air of beauty and serenity manages to focus on the two girls, dancing, somehow innocently, yet as if intoxicated off each other's gaiety. During this moment, I felt caught up in the exuberance and let out an elated sigh. There is was. 'The most exquisite moment' of Clarissa Dalloway's whole life; and I felt it.

This scene, was not only touching, but I think one of the reasons I flashed a shade of euphoric gold was because it lead me to fantasise about my own 'exquisite' moment of love; the cornerstone moment when my fragile heart will be -finally- requited.

Seeing something I so much wish to experience in my own life through literature, cinema, music, even in someone else's life, makes the past mistakes of risking a broken heart undeniably worth it. 
The outcome of loving someone could indeed end disastrously, and, like Peter Walsh, you could spend the rest of your days living in a world tainted by pernicious remorse for that one person who denied you of everything: love (if there is such a thing).

Nevertheless, there is always a possibility of triumph: if they return your affections, like Sally and Clarissa, surely the grievous risk is justified?

I would rather have my heart broken a thousand times, existing with a slither of hope that an exquisite love will journey my way, than have my passions acquiescently, obediently ordered to the corner of my mind in self pity, the shadows of ethereal desire swimming around my head.

Love is worth everything.

 


Copyright © JRFB 2013 


Monday, 17 September 2012

Words I wish I could speak

I am writing this for you because I am tired of not being able to express how grateful I am. These words are the best I can come up with for now, but still don't do you justice...


Before I knew you, my life was epitomised by a vacant nothingness, an ill-fitting vision of trying to be like everybody else. I felt misunderstood and oppressed; depressed; like nothing I did was good enough, like my whole life was a mistake - frightened, outcasted, alone.

But my soul became blazed with illuminated passions when your influence stole into my heart, when perpetual flames of elation ignited in my veins. You made me realise that I am not just 'weird', a 'misfit', an 'alien' - I am merely myself, Jaguar, and my thoughts and actions are what comprise me, make me special.

Your tender love and ardent cares for humanity astonish me; I can honestly say that I have never felt more comfortable and ready to accept myself than when I think of your valiant and admirable outlook on life. Your words, your aura, are so pure; a light in a once dark world, where phantoms chased me, now soothes away the pain of being different and encourages innovativeness and self-expression.

This has never happened to me before, and at times, it overwhelms me; but know this: your soul - celestial, radiant, opalescent - is the most beautiful presence I have ever felt. You are everything I could ever hope for. I can only thank the Fates for leading me to you.

You really have changed my life.

Now I am much more poised and content with my inner-self, and I owe it all to you; your Phoenix love, burning incandescent over me gives me strength, honour, elation.

Jessica to me, you are truly exquisite. I hope that one day I can meet you and experience your ethereal beauty first hand.


Jaguar



Copyright © JRFB 2012 

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

The Chill


Good Gentleman, Good Lady, oh I wish that you could see – 
There’s sincere truth that comes with Civility, 
A certain charm lies in my heart 
Begging for yours to stay 
Until tomorrow, for just another day. 

Having parched my heart with burning scorn 
Drier still like the Sahel, the Corn 
Of my love cannot flourish, 
In an Empty garden – fruitless 
Are my efforts – unless collaborated with your prowess 

For your secret utterance so sweet 
Yet Devious, fell from the ivy tree 
Strangling your ability 
To love a soul (minus your own) 
Hearing the magnitude of the fall - 

For Hours I perched, alone; afraid
For your echoing Voice haunts me, above my grave
Slipping               out            and              in
Those weak and crumbling shelves of terror
Heavily Stowed away  – my mind is a Mirror

Crushed, shattered, splintered, broken –
Nothing can fill space left -  the words unspoken
Misery ubiquitous, hopelessness lost
The Frosty whispers chill
Our Flame, hardened, brittle – still.


Copyright © JRFB 2012