Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Sunday, 28 July 2013

Miss Scorpio

She loves and loves but is not loved. For she is barren of the fertile fields to grow a child. All she wanted was to be allowed to love. But we always strive to do what is forbidden. And here it is: the rotten fruit of impoverished love.

The sky was black as charcoal pits, dusted with speckled stars
Ashen grey surrounds the land
Smothered with burning flowers.

The time when clouds shrivel away
When the Sun makes her bed
At the end of the day –

The Moon himself appears with Hope,
Of meeting his Love
Who sets the distant pole -

Where their love can never be found
For distance - darkness forbid it
And they are not Fated to be bound.

The time when Light-time creatures stop;
And Night-time villains stir
And children drift, still in their beds, like sweet little corpses.

Now a twisted dark shadow creeps from her hollow home,
Uncurling her limbs, unfolding her bones,
Like spindly branches against the yellow Moon’s glow.

She gasps a worn breath –
For she is alone.
Miss Scorpio is always alone – even past death –

From the moment she burst forth from the fiery pits below
Forming a woman in thin, black dress with lace like a spider’s webs,
She was alone.

But oh, how she despises having nobody to care
Nobody to hold, nobody to tend to,
Leaving her an empty phantom, wretched, torn, bare.

Every day is hell, every second, misery;
Yet it is all made lighter by the Moon
Who shines over her fears and wishes, eagerly.

He is her ambient Hope.
The Light deep beneath her blackened spirit.
That can never escape the prison where she chokes.

The Moon too is lost in despair,
But shines brightly each dark night
In false Hope and care.

Miss Scorpio plucks a star from the glistening skies
Where stars shine like jewels, mockingly with their togetherness.
She smothers its brightness; in her frail arms it lies;

Momentarily, the brimstone in her core rekindles,
There is a quiescent crispness in the air
As she smiles, skips, glows like a candle

Not caring for her life that burns away
With each hour that passes,
For she has found something to love! Just for one day -


Until that star quickly fades, from white to orange, to dull brown
Then to black, like the two charred, bottomless holes in her sockets.
The heat cools, her trembling arms release the star, her face twists into a frown

Hot tears streak down her dirt-speckled cheek
Scarring her dark and beautiful features
With deep channels, now trickling red down to her feet.

Says she: ‘This pain is slight,
‘Compared with the jolt that forever thumps my core’.
Now, the black ball of dimpled rock takes flight

Down from her body, frozen, scored, wild
Leaving her numb Soul barren, untouched,
Having held that dimming star, cradled like a child.

But Hope is the fuel for any fire.
Miss Scorpio – Nature's Widow –
Never did her efforts to love expire:

Miss Scorpio once walked in the Midnight Meadow
Stopped, picked a flower from the dark fields of green,
Shaking it with joy, as the wind sped her on with each blow

And she ran through the grove
With this new Heart’s desire towards the rays of tomorrow.
For it is so beautiful to have something to love –

But soon, the nodding flower’s petals
Dropped out one by one, escaping her desperate clutches in the cold breeze
Leaving a grey stalk, bent like soft metal

Flying this way and that as they fell
In wispy circles, through dark clouds
Flying to another part of hell.

Miss Scorpio’s Soul bleeds
As her red tears slowly streak down her dark dress
Down like a deadly bullet surpassing time itself, as it speeds

Through a hard granite chest
Containing the Treasures of Life,
Repelled, ricocheted, is forced down to a grim death.


*
*
*

Miss Scorpio is still waiting for Life to start
For a fraction of joy, for a sign from above, –
As her dark Soul will never rest until it possesses a Heart.


 














Copyright © JRFB 2013

Monday, 1 October 2012

Loving Through Lies

"What use is there in saying 'I love you' when almost instantly preceding this I think,      'I despise you. Burn'?

For you and I, there is no distinction. Whatever is conjured within my torn soul - shredded by your malice - punctures my enflamed heart, now swollen from your toxins. It is no use resisting, for you return, uninvited - a phantasm gently reaching for my spine, splicing my soul from within.

Freezing fires kill me; revive me; hold me.
Screaming with echoes of euphoric horror as I 
watch your scythe draw near.

My lungs, drowning in your cruelty, draw no air,

My breath evaporates - my blood dies - 
Eyes remain - petrified, molten:

'I mean no harm, I have come to love you'.

Every    

             word    
                           scolds      
each twisted hair on my corpse
scratching deep into my soul.

Air abandons me;

- I do not blame you -
now the fires steam as they
die
All that remains is my broken soul
                                                        - it reeks of death
scathed, black, putrid 

                                     by your simple touch -




Let me out. Don't come back to me, you keep me from my dreams. I do not want you; Love does not want you.

 But love cannot simply be brushed onto empty pages".








Copyright © JRFB 2012 

Sunday, 5 August 2012

distance

i wish you'd try to understand
although perhaps it is I who am incoherent
and You speak my own language more fluently.
i won't sleep soundly knowing that waves of trouble are rippling our glass bonds
only to shatter all dreams of perfection, cutting my heart with fate's cruel blade.
                                                 *
i'm too addicted to stop knowing You,
absence feels like death - vexing and always longing for the untouchable.
i can't watch this happen, we're even closer to the disaster -
perhaps everything is a mistake; a mistake so real, so rewarding, so worth the pain of

distance.


No, I won't let you go.


Copyright © JRFB 2012

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Walking In The Snow


.
These pale flecks of frosted emotion sting
my skin (bare) when I walk
with you.
A seething so sudden, that
at first, it is unnoticeable: purely snow.
Then Cold turns to cinders - turns to
Ash; scoring, cutting, infecting
my Body with your Curse
.
I blame the snow, but I should blame
You.
The numbness in my fingers
stings from your cold spite -
.
Yet I continue, persisting on our voyage across this icy road:
My heart, once again replenished with flaming desires - childish yet
visible; today, after your bitter touch
Falls to the ground... Cracking,
Splintering with an essence of you
.
The warm face of the sun, distant and rare
Shines no more -
Not in winter, at least, whilst
.
Walking in the snow
.



Copyright © JRFB 2012

Sunday, 10 June 2012

You Can Never Be Mine



As you clasp my Heart it crumbles into
Nothing.
When I breathe in your beauty -
It chokes me inside;

Every time I leave you
it's like half of my Life has gone,
the flames of existence brutally diminished -
Ghosts of sorrow remain -
But I know I'll only hurt you.

Seeing what I have done to you
Breaks my Heart;
it was never my intention to see you
Fall -
Hearing the very words I dreaded; ones I made you speak
engulfs my parched Soul with seething ruin.

But eventually, I wish to be
Free
         of the horrifying Truth.
I know now that things may never be the same:
every time I see your Face
the wounds in my Heart sting
and your own Heart - splintered -
With my own Selfishness.

                      Self-forgiveness for how I've made you feel is
Unthinkable.
I would choose you over my own Dead body

Always - Love leads to ruin,
Friendship leads to yet more pain.


Because of Me, it now hurts us both
to look at one another.

Because of Me, our whole lives may be shattered
and rebuilt with missing and ill-fitting fragments. 

Because of Me, this agonizing cycle of love
            Will never end - 


Copyright © JRFB 2011