you are an illness
just as I get better - at pretending I don't
care - you make me - love - sick again
Copyright © JRFB 2013
Saturday, 18 August 2012
I'm still learning.
THIS SUMMER has been hopeless in terms of enhancing my academic skills, but I think now with August coming to a close, and the warm colours and autumnal shades of September falling upon us, I am one step closer to "finding myself".
A friend and I set this task as our number one priority this summer - and I think I may have (somehow) unconsciously accomplished this. Although I have been intoxicated for a good 4 weeks and I must have drunk about ten times my body weight in alcoholic beverages (spirits to let my spirits soar), I think that over the past few months I have learnt a thing or two...
This summer I realise that I am more comfortable and confident as a person. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying to live as I am and not as someone may think I should live.
I'm odd, but not a misfit but when caged up with tame canaries, I become the wild finch: solitary, outcast, frozen in apprehension. I like to form my own opinions about entities in life, and not to have my mind poisoned before being given a chance to speculate. What good is it to be human, to possess free will, only to have that privilege oppressed, wasted?
To be short, I am Jaguar: nothing more, nothing less. I believe that true identity lies deep within the soul; I was born to grow into myself, not into this person or that person; what good is it to try and 'guide' someone through life when in reality this only results in a twisted map and a desolate soul?
Copyright © JRFB 2012
A friend and I set this task as our number one priority this summer - and I think I may have (somehow) unconsciously accomplished this. Although I have been intoxicated for a good 4 weeks and I must have drunk about ten times my body weight in alcoholic beverages (spirits to let my spirits soar), I think that over the past few months I have learnt a thing or two...
This summer I realise that I am more comfortable and confident as a person. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying to live as I am and not as someone may think I should live.
I'm odd, but not a misfit but when caged up with tame canaries, I become the wild finch: solitary, outcast, frozen in apprehension. I like to form my own opinions about entities in life, and not to have my mind poisoned before being given a chance to speculate. What good is it to be human, to possess free will, only to have that privilege oppressed, wasted?
To be short, I am Jaguar: nothing more, nothing less. I believe that true identity lies deep within the soul; I was born to grow into myself, not into this person or that person; what good is it to try and 'guide' someone through life when in reality this only results in a twisted map and a desolate soul?
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Mirror
The swirling, circling shrouds of smokey death
pervade the specks of mystery surrounding this abyss -
Bottomless
Soulless
Gloom.
Twisting and writhing, the central orbs turn serenely:
a children's carousel
Reversed -
Decelerated -
Perpetual -
When I see them, fear clots in my blood
Fear of being lost.
Fear of dying
Fear of denying all chances of bliss to myself.
Two dark pools of hell stare through
my vanquished soul
My own deep wells shrink in horror.
I am lost -
Copyright © JRFB 2012
pervade the specks of mystery surrounding this abyss -
Bottomless
Soulless
Gloom.
Twisting and writhing, the central orbs turn serenely:
a children's carousel
Reversed -
Decelerated -
Perpetual -
When I see them, fear clots in my blood
Fear of being lost.
Fear of dying
Fear of denying all chances of bliss to myself.
Two dark pools of hell stare through
my vanquished soul
My own deep wells shrink in horror.
I am lost -
Copyright © JRFB 2012
Sunday, 5 August 2012
distance
i wish you'd try to understand
although perhaps it is I who am incoherent
and You speak my own language more fluently.
i won't sleep soundly knowing that waves of trouble are rippling our glass bonds
only to shatter all dreams of perfection, cutting my heart with fate's cruel blade.
*
i'm too addicted to stop knowing You,
absence feels like death - vexing and always longing for the untouchable.
i can't watch this happen, we're even closer to the disaster -
perhaps everything is a mistake; a mistake so real, so rewarding, so worth the pain of
distance.
No, I won't let you go.
Copyright © JRFB 2012
although perhaps it is I who am incoherent
and You speak my own language more fluently.
i won't sleep soundly knowing that waves of trouble are rippling our glass bonds
only to shatter all dreams of perfection, cutting my heart with fate's cruel blade.
*
i'm too addicted to stop knowing You,
absence feels like death - vexing and always longing for the untouchable.
i can't watch this happen, we're even closer to the disaster -
perhaps everything is a mistake; a mistake so real, so rewarding, so worth the pain of
distance.
No, I won't let you go.
Copyright © JRFB 2012
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