NOBODY CAN SAY NO (TO MICHELLE WILLIAMS... OR CAN THEY?)

They say that the greatest things come in threes:

• The Three Fates

• B.L.T. sandwiches

• Robert Downey's 3 year prison sentence for skipping a drug test (but of course, Mr Stark charmed his way out of that one or blasted them with his iron suit of death)

• Ed, Edd n Eddy

• Harry, Ron, Hermione

• 3 Wise Men

• Me, Myself & I* 

And finally, and perhaps most importantly:

Beyoncé, Kelly and Michelle.

'Michelle who?' -  I hear some of you ask.

Williams. Michelle Williams!

Still, I'm seeing some baffled looks and hesitant nods, as you pretend to know who the hell I'm talking about.

No, I'm not talking about this one:

THIS one:

Michelle Williams, need I say that name again?*

Well, shame on you, if you didn't know that I am referring to third member of notorious, noughties, r&b girlband Destiny's Child. I emphasize the third here because sadly, that is exactly how Michelle has been portrayed throughout her career.

Michelle is the less renowned member of the trio, and this has been picked up on by the internet...

'First the worst, second the best, third -'

'- I'm the Michelle of the group, aren't I?' 

'Yeh'.

I too have been guilty of this farce: branding the singer as the 'Internet Explorer of the group'; and my mother and I naming our Sat Nav Michelle because it was crap and always lead us down the wrong roads... but I do it all in jest.

Before I go on, I must stress that I personally am a huge fan of Miss Williams, and in the true spirit of democracy, I've always loved her just as much as Beyoncé and Kelly. I especially love her verse in soul-sista anthem of the decade 'Girl' - a song about sisterhood:

'We Ain't Never Seen You Down Like This

What You Mean You Don't Need Us To Help?
We Known Each Other Too Well'

*chest-bumps nearby female for empowerment*

Nevertheless, despite having at least one fan, it is true that Michelle has always been pushed to the side, ostracized and overshadowed by this cruel world in which we live. But she must have mad someone helllaaaa mad in her past life though, because someone's out to get her!

Who's behind this witchcraft?!

I guess we all slip up now and again...

However, an admirable quality in Michelle is that she never gives up! This diva has released 4 albums, acted in Broadway, starred in a few films AND contested in Strictly Come Dancing back in 2010. This girl's a real SURVIVOR*.

In fact, it is her new single 'Say Yes' that I'm building up to here. The song really shows off her sweet vocals, confidence as a solo artist and just PROVES that just because you're not Beyoncé it doesn't mean you can't succeed in life (indeed, Michelle you have taught us an important life lesson).

The song has a real African-soul kick to it, and is just the uplifting beat to make you feel alive and LOSE YOUR BREATH* as your soul sings 'WHEN JESUS SAY YES NOBODY CAN SAY NOOOOOO'. I cannot get it out of my head!

Did I also mention that in the song, Michelle teams up with Beyoncé and Kelly again - making it their first hit since the band's split in 2005? It's great to see such iconic artists reunite on this track, just like back in the good old days of wearing khaki pants and cowboy hats. They're still flawless!

And the best part of it all is that it's still very much Michelle's solo work, and FINALLY, she has the limelight that she truly deserves.

This song is about faith, and after hearing this song, I feel like I've been converted, (seriously - she's just THAT convincing) and with Michelle Williams as the chaplain and with Destiny's Child in the gospel choir, this is one church I can't wait to join!

Michelle, YOU can handle this!*

Check out 'Say Yes' by Michelle Williams down below and let me know what you think about it!

*note: pardon the uncontrollable use of Destiny's Child/Beyoncé puns, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do I'm not even sorry).

- DJ

Spring

...The pale flecks of early morning Sun and floating dandelions that come in through the window leave trails of last night dancing on your skin. You lie there, looking intently into my eyes - unblinking, pensive, still - as if contemplating your own life or death.
           So close to me, that I can breathe in the cool air you exhale - we are one: born again as a new being, Love's Little Lamb. So close, yet the past still lingers on our lips, through our shivering bones. From the moment when you kissed the tip of my nose, soft, like a petal falling on my skin, from a cherry-blossom tree in the Springtime garden, I had never tasted a fruit so sweet.
          But only one day without you and I feel its coarse acidity burning through my heart.

         Spring time's upon us
        Spring time's here
        Time to grow our Love
        It's that time of year

The Sun has gone behind the clouds, my heart weeps blood. Still - I hear your whispers in the wind, faintly howling against the happy little tune of endearing Love.


 Image via: http://th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2011/135/d/f/dandelion_seeds_by_jollyoldgeezer-d3gdzd7.jpg

Copyright © JRFB 2013

Socks On (One Night Stand Sonnet)

Ever gone out in public with a hoody and sunglasses in a frantic effort to conceal your identity because of fear of bumping into that one person you never ever want to see again? - the person you had a one night stand with? (hey, we've all been there..) Here is a short sonnet to relay the amusing, but painfully heart-wrenching moment when you see them again, and again and again...

 This may or may not have been taken from personal experience... All I can tell you is this: Sod's Law is real. REAL I tell you!

Walking to the shop to buy some bread,
Aimlessly I browse for something else -
Then I catch your eye, wishing I am dead.
A spectre from the past, echoing my movements through the shelves,
Adamantly shrugs through my broken soul.
I cannot breathe, your gaze so sour and sweet,
Wide and wild eyed, like a demon doe.
All I can do is ignore you and tweet:
'It's the third time today - for surely I'm cursed!'
- The cellophane bag slips from my wet palm -
My voice of Regret thinks this choice to have been worst,
Foolishly thinking: 'it's just one night, what's the harm?'
But Oh! how I could not have been more wrong -
For who knew what horrors could occur with socks on!

Copyright © JRFB 2014

GAY PEOPLE HAVE MAGICAL POWERS: THEY CAN CONTROL THE WEATHER

 ‘…that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. And rain fell on the earth forty days and forty nights.’ (Genesis 5:32-10:1, New International Version)

Dear David Silvester,

Hi. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. But what I do know is that you have the most bizarre idea of how the natural world fundamentally works. I am of course referring to the weather. It has come to my knowledge that you have reason to believe that the recent series of flooding in the UK are the result of the nation legalising Gay Marriage.

Oh, how insightful you are!

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sure that Jesus’ dad already sent a flood thousands of years ago because Noah and his pals simply weren't ’doing life right’ (source: not The Bible). If my primary school R.E. education was accurate, back in the days before the modern phenomenon of twerking, there was no big booming cloud that shrieked:

'WHAT?! YOU’RE TRYING TO GIVE EACH OTHER EQUAL RIGHTS? I HOPE YOU CAN SWIM BITCHEZ BECAUSE I AM GOING TO DROWN ALL DA HUMANZ’

How queer!

Everyone knows that God flooded the world because his laptop software crashed and he had to re-boot his hard-drive system*…

Mr Silvester, what are you doing? What are you saying? You simply cannot pin the disastrous results from a natural change in the Earth’s climate (‘Global Warming’, I think it’s called) on… Love. I mean, of course people constantly write about the power of this potent force, but let me tell you, in the words of Lindsay:

‘Wrong, you’re so wrong’.

How can you possibly blame a splash of rain on same-sex marriage? Did you never watch The Day After Tomorrow?!  I can only think that the motive behind your controversial, insane and highly incorrect statement is that you, sir, are a misinformed moron (or that you don’t own a DVD player).

Call me hypocritical, but by acclaiming such a ridiculous statement, you have insulted pretty much the entire cast of Glee and THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL. You are stripping people of their rights and their lives. Who are you to point the finger about what causes the weather? Do you were sensible shoes and grey suit-pants and stand in front of a green screen, telling people whether they should take an umbrella to work or not tomorrow? No. Is it your job to conjure up random reasons for temperamental weather that Great Britain is shamelessly renowned for? No. 'Do you even go here?' Still, no.

Therefore, here is my suggestion: why don’t you take your homophobic, misinformed, disgusting ideologies and shove them up your unjust and I suppose wrinkled ass—

Perhaps there is another reason. I have looked into this, and recent studies show that the real cause for floods and extreme weather is not people of the same-sex loving one another; it is not the work of Miley Cyrus’ forked tongue; it is not the witch-craft of the feminists of Leeds University. It is the ignorance, negativity and bigotry of this world that accumulates in narrow-minded politicians like you! Such idiotic views make me sick to the stomach and quite frankly, it is because of people like you that so many have been and still are repressed, depressed, silenced and worst of all, denied of their true identities and abilities to express themselves for who they are: human.

Do you honestly think that God cares about whether a man loves another man, or a woman loves another woman? This is 2014 – 

Honestly, Mr Silvester, sometimes I wonder if you even considered the logistics of the situation on Noah’s ark. He gathered two by two of every animal… Unless he had extremely keen gaydar that was finely tuned for the sexual preferences of animals, how did he know if he had picked up two straight animals and if they were of different genders? The man was over 600 years old, how was he to know?* And now, before I go on, I hear you smirk:

‘A homosexual animal? How absurd and utterly impossible.’

Well, allow me to shock you as you sip your Earl Grey from that china antique – the sexually liberal dolphin, dominating lion and daring dragonfly species are all known for being ‘a little bit gay’ and so there is no way of knowing if this sort of hanky-panky did or did not occur on the ark. I’m not insinuating that Noah’s ark was some sort of animal sex-den, but this insight has opened a few doors…

Regardless, gay animals, humans, bendy rulers, Sarah Jessica Parker's mole, ARE PEOPLE TOO and are not to blame for the changing weather cycles. I know that it’s easy to shift the blame when you’re running late for work on a Monday morning, you've spilt coffee down your new slacks and now the bloody rain is pelting it down, but it is NEVER OK to make such ridiculous accusations.

Please re-evaluate your life and remember this: it is literally impossible for the LGBT community to be held responsible for the UK’s flooding – their emblem is a colourful rainbow representing the celebratory calm after the harsh, gruelling storm of injustice. We are fighting hard for equality and you are setting us back. The only accusation of same-sex marriage I hope to see is of abnormal sunny spells in Britain, as I’m sure it is written in the Bible somewhere that Love can only cause eternal sunshine...

The storm clouds of hate are clearing. We’re nearly there. The future is bright.

Sincerely,

King Lion AKA Jaguar the Lion.

*disclaimer: Some information here may or may not be true. I am trying to be comical, not insulting. I apologise if I offend anyone unintentionally in this post.



Copyright © JRFB 2013